Brokenness

I have found great freedom lately in coming to the awareness that I do not have to understand God to know Him. In fact, knowing Him helps bring understanding, but understanding is not essential to knowing and living in relationship with Him. If I had waited to understand my husband,Stan, before I married him, I would still be unmarried. Of course, understanding helps with knowledge but it is not a necessity to entering into relationship, or, may I add, staying in relationship.

Jesus didn’t explain His love He demonstrated it. “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)”Certainly this is true with the mystery of suffering. Rather than giving us a book of answers to the question of why we suffer, He shows us by suffering Himself for my sake!

this-is-my-bodyLast week while taking communion at church I was in a lot of physical pain as I heard the words,”this is my body, broken for you.” Tears filled my eyes as I was ever so aware in that moment of my own broken body and brokenness. I realized anew how amazing the Good News really is that He suffered for us, in part so that He could suffer with us. He did this so that though we may never understand all the reasons for our sufferings, we would never have to walk through our sufferings alone! Our God knows what it is to suffer and to be broken. He identifies in all things with us. This is a comfort to me, as I live with my broken body and as I try to wrap my mind around His brokenness for me!

Recently, on a day when Stan and I were feeling the losses more than the comforts in this “recovery” (the word makes me feel like laughing now), we both got in touch with some of the losses we have experienced and commenting about changes in who we are now. Stan admitted to missing the wife he has known for 39 years and I admitted to missing her as well. Painful yet freeing to acknowledge. Then I saw a picture of us taken just a couple of years ago and irritation, even anger, rose up inside me. We are not those people anymore! That youngish, vibrant couple is gone. Suffering and care giving have aged us both but it has also changed who we are. The realization that we are not going back to the people we once were (recovery), but becoming something new, (re-discovery) tempered and hopefully refined by suffering. The thought was both sobering and freeing.

I recently heard the story of country singer, Joey Feek, a young wife and mother who recently passed away from cancer. I was told that she testified that her life was different when, after the return of cancer, she saw a sign that said, “This is your life.” From this point on, she was free to live what was left of it. This is your life. You have NOW. Live it as long as you can. It was like a fresh calling to me, too, to LIVE THIS life, the one I have now, embracing the brokenness. Because the brokenness is the only path to wholeness, not to recovery, but to becoming a new creation.”Behold He makes all things new (Rev. 21:5)” So I am learning to live the life He’s given me, broken pieces and all.

“He makes everything beautiful in His time”…even me. (Ecc. 3:11)

___________________________

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64 thoughts on “Brokenness

    1. Ruth, your response to my writings shows more about your heart than it does about mine. What a tender compassionate heart you have that, like Him, suffers with others. Not sure when or where we will meet again, but it’s been good to meet here…..on the journey, for now. Love you for your tears. Katy

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  1. Thank you, dear Katy and Stan, for being an example even in a brokenness and losses. Your sincerity and transparency are the treasures for everyone who ever got in touch with you. How grateful I am and will be to the rest of my life to know you in happiness and in brokenness, in joy and in tears, in peace and in distress! Thank you for your friendship! Love you, guys!

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    1. Oh Tatyana, I love that we have known you in happiness and brokenness. Your faith never wavered through all the heartaches and joys. Always you are an inspiration to us. We will always love the Moroz’s. We miss you all, Gregory too!

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  2. Please change e-mail address to: missnancy722@gmail.com

    How blessed I am to receive your postings Katy. I am Camille Winslow’s friend and you and your husband were at Evangelical Methodist Church a while ago which I well remember. I claim the powerful verse “weeping will endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” for you. His promises are true and tried as you so well know.

    Love & prayers,

    Nancy Pritchard

    ________________________________

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    1. Nancy, thanks for reminding me who you are, and for claiming this powerful promise for me. We remember well our time at your church and hope our paths will cross again. In the meantime, thanks for journeying with us. Katy

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  3. Dear Katy, Just thought of this as you mentioned the broken bread in communion… When Jesus fed the multitudes He “took the bread”, “blessed it”, “BROKE it” then “He gave it”… I believe God will use you and Stan and your “broken bread” testimony to feed a multitude of those who read of God’s faithfulness in the midst of painful, unexpected circumstances. My son and son-in-law graduated from Asbury in 1990 so the connection to your dear parents and the school make you all near and dear to my heart. I had the wonderful opportunity to present a workshop at The Asbury Society summer seminars a few years ago. So grateful for all the ministry that is the Kinlaw legacy. His continued healing, Muriel Cash

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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    1. Thank you, Muriel for your kind words of hope and encouragement to us. Thank you for introducing yourself and your connections to asbury. The next time you’re in town, look us up.

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    1. Kelly and Paige, one of my greatest comforts or joys has been seeing your name on this blog. I love being connected again. It’s a gift to me. Thank you! Paige must be such a big girl now! One day when we get back to albany, we’ll meet again! Katy

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    1. Thank you for walking this journey with us Annemarie. We are certainly not alonre in our sufferings. I pray you do not feel alone. We miss you no keep you in our prayers. Love, katy

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  4. Thank you, Katy, for your transparent words of real life. I am in need of someone older and wiser to talk about the walk of brokenness and to be resigned to what God has given. I thank you and I love you for it.
    Joy Mistur

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  5. Proverbs 20:24.NLT “The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?” This has been so helpful in our loss of our son-in-law, Michael, now 4 years gone from us. “Lord, I give up trying to understand and just trust you anyway.” If I can trust God with my eternity, I can trust Him with my NOW. Thanks for your words as well on that order. Sending love and keeping you in my prayers. Jan Biddulph

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    1. Oh my, Jan, how you know the sorrow of loss firsthand. I would like to learn from you! Thank you for sharing this powerful verse from proverbs that reminds us again it’s not about understanding, but all about trusting. There’s comfort knowing we journey together, taking one step of trust toward Him at a time.

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  6. Hi Katy, thank you for always holding up Jesus and his tender care for you. All that Scripture says about suffering sounds so nice and neat until we are in the middle of it; then it’s messy and confusing and somewhat scary. Thank you in your honest pain and loss to be so transparent and faithful to the One who has called you to Himself!
    Love you much, Judy Long

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    1. Judy, you are so right that it sounds good until you’re in the middle of pain and then it does get messy and confusing,hard to apply what you already know. I am still amazed how all-consuming pain is, making it difficult to focus on anything else. Thank you for your encouraging words about my effort to re-focus! Hope we will see you again soon. Katy

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  7. Katie, thank you for your brutal honesty. There’s no other way but this, as the old text goes. I am instructed by it, reconciled more deeply to the way of the cross for me and always drawn to prayer for you after reading your words.

    Peace and grace,
    Linda Carruth Davis

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    1. Linda, so kind of you to comment on our journey, to follow it at all. You have known your own trials, I could learn much from you about courage and endurance! Thanks for cheering me on in the race to finish well!

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  8. Thanks so much Katy and a great reminder wherever we are in life right now
    Thought you might enjoy this from Chamber’s Utmost although i don’t think you are in despair but may have moments you feel like that. But leaving the past on Christ and moving forward is what you shared. 🙂 Shalom

    February 18th

    The initiative against despair

    Rise let us be going. Matthew 26:46.

    The disciples went to sleep when they should have kept awake, and when they realized what they had done it produced despair. The sense of the irreparable is apt to make us despair, and we say—‘It is all up now, it is no use trying any more.’ If we imagine that this kind of despair is exceptional, we are mistaken, it is a very ordinary human experience. Whenever we realize that we have not done that which we had a magnificent opportunity of doing, then we are apt to sink in despair, and Jesus Christ comes and says—‘Sleep on now, that opportunity is lost for ever, you cannot alter it, but arise and go to the next thing.’ Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ, and go out into the irresistible future with Him.
    There are experiences like this in each of our lives. We are in despair, the despair that comes from actualities, and we cannot lift ourselves out of it. The disciples in this instance had done a downright unforgivable thing; they had gone to sleep instead of watching with Jesus, but He came with a spiritual initiative against their despair and said—‘Arise and do the next thing.’ If we are inspired of God, what is the next thing? To trust Him absolutely and to pray on the ground of His Redemption.
    Never let the sense of failure corrupt your new action.

    Chambers, O. (1986). My utmost for his highest: Selections for the year. Grand Rapids, MI: Oswald Chambers Publications; Marshall Pickering.

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  9. Bill, I love that you mention this particular devotional writing of Chambers. It may be my favorite,so thank you for appreciating the truth and honesty of his words, as I d, and reminding me of them. Thank you for walking this journey with us as we all walk as closely as we can with Him.

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  10. When I read Katy’s blogs, so many emotions go through my mind. I hurt, cry and suffer with you from a far. Yet, I feel inspired and full of hope and faith. Thank you for sharing your precious thoughts and insights with us.

    If He can hold the stars in place, He most certainly can hold you in place…

    God willing, me and Nicole will see you and Stan this year!

    Prayers and much love,

    The Watsons

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    1. Rich n Nicole,
      Thank you for speaking such hope into me…..maybe especially about seeing you and the girls again,what joy that would be,
      Thanks again for traveling with us on this journey with Jesus, love, katy

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  11. Dear Katy, this new chapter of your journey is amazing as you express to us your deepest feelings. By contrasting the pain you are going through in comparison to Christ’s suffering for you, you bring us all to a deeper appreciation of the cost of our own redemption. I think about what you have always done for me by your past teachings, prayers, writings, kindnesses and love, you have carried me to a deeper level of faith and given me a desire to walk humbly before my God. Your ministry continues. Love and hugs, Aunt Jean

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  12. You continue in my prayers. Your testimony is inspiring and hopeful as always. I resonate with his broken body and yours. Thank you.

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  13. Thank you for your words! Gifts of gold and silver. Utterly blessed and humbled to read these and know you both. We love you guys and your family! Love, the Koltas

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  14. Katy and Stan, Thank you for this message. Michael and I have become Gideons down here in GA and we have been sharing your situation with a Gideon prayer meeting every Saturday morning for the past months.

    Would it be OK if I forwarded your message to the prayer group so they would have a better understanding of things and be encouraged to pray?

    Christopher

    On Sat, Feb 18, 2017 at 12:06 PM, Journey with Katy wrote:

    > lizlind posted: “I have found great freedom lately in coming to the > awareness that I do not have to understand God to know Him. In fact, > knowing Him helps bring understanding, but understanding is not essential > to knowing and living in relationship with Him. If I had wait” >

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  15. Thank you Katy! I am sad for the price you have and are still paying for this deep wisdom and beauty overflowing from within you. I hope God gives you sight to see how it is being used for our benefit and encouragement to face loss with the same grace that you have been given. I choose to “live my life”, fully, now with you. (There are days I don’t want to, days I want to give up, days filled with tears. But then He carries me, with heaven in focus, and gives a renewed purpose for this life.) God is so good, and has good things in store for us! Blessings to you.

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    1. Oh Cindy,I know you can relate to loss! I can certainly relate to those days when you don’t want to live that life that is your own. After writing this last blog, I told stan, mzybe I am to live this life, but what if I don’t like it?! There’s no answer except to move in closer to Jesus and let Him bring purpose and meaning and beauty back into that life we’ve been given to live.oh, how I pray He will do this for both of us. I don’t like the cost you have paid either bu,t I hold Him to His word that death gives way to Life, and I anticipate it like looking for signs of Spring. Thank you for your encouragement to me, my daughter, Elisabeth, my friend, Deb!

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  16. Katie,
    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. Our pastor today spoke on Mark 4, about the apostles and their fears while in the boat with Jesus. The message was that we will all go through difficult times (stormy seas) but that the Lord is there with us and has control of each situation. Thank you for your testimony that even in the roughest of seas that you’re going through, the Lord is your sustenance and your strength. We continue to pray for you and Stan.

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  17. Katy- reading your very true and precious words was very humbling. Darlene and I ache so for you and Stan, yet turn that to prayer. I thought of two things as I read: 1) from Thomas Traherne’s Centuries, speaking of the Lord- “He feeleth in you, won’t you feeleth in Him.”, and 2) Romans 8:22-24. We miss you all! Our love to you both. Mark and Darlene

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    1. Mark n Darlene, always great to hear from you! I love this quote and am duly impressed you found it.i have not heard of Thomas Traherne…..teach me ok? Would love an update sometime on hos things are going. Much love!

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  18. Katy, you continue to amaze me and bless me with your perseverance un difficult circumstances. I continue to pray for you both. I am so glad that Christ walks with you every step of this difficult journey. Your transparency has been one of the reasons you are so dear to my heart. Love to you both. Missing you but glad I can walk this journey with you from afar.

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  19. Your blog post here, reminds me of the old hymn, “I can hear my Savior calling. I can hear my Savior calling. I’ll go with him, with him, all the way. I’ll go with him through the garden…..I’ll go with him, with him all the way. He will give me grace and glory. He will give me grace and glory. He will give me grace and glory. I’ll go with him, with him, all the way.” You are going with Him all the way, and encourages us to do the same.

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  20. Dear Katy and Stan,

    I have tried for several days to send you confirmation that I received the flowers you sent to me, but my strength wained or the phone died or I was interrupted and what I wrote disappeared. You have always been the hands and feet of Jesus and I will never be the same after having you come into my life. Although I know what I am going through pales in comparison to what you have been through, just seeing your honesty and depth of conviction gives me strength to carry on. Modern medicine can be miraculous, but without the confidence of Jesus’ promises people continue to look to man’s ability rather than His provision. I want to proclaim to you and anyone going through a life-threatening situation that He can and will give you peace that surpasses all understanding! Without your friendship and teaching and great conviction, I may have never experienced that, but with Jesus as my best friend, I have come to that and will continue to share that joy with all that will listen!!!! I hope one day our paths will cross again, my dear friends because I like you so much!!!

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    1. P.S. Thank you for the flowers that hopefully my hubby hasn’t killed until I get home tomorrow as the ICU nurses wouldn’t let me keep them. Bummer!! They were so beautiful!!!!

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    2. Karen, so good to hear from you, esp from a hospital bed! So thankful you are doing okay, though I know surviving surgery and recovery are two very different things. Thanks for letting us know the flowers arrived . Wish it could have been a personal visit, but that days coming! It’s nice to be liked 🙂 we like you too! Much love and continued prayers!katy

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  21. Thank you, dear sister I’ve never met. My friend and prayer buddie, Naomi, follows your blog and often shares things you’ve said, as she did today by sending your blog my way. Though my journey hasn’t been on the exact same path as yours, your words resonate with me because of the shared similarities of our journeys with physical struggles (we all suffer in some way in these bodies) and the reality of the same God who is there with us through it all. (My journey can be found in my blog (www.brokennesstobeauty.wordpress.com) and in my book, Brokenness to Beauty: Transforming Your Brokenness into a Beautiful Life, available on Amazon). I want to reblog your post on my own blog. You have said so well what we need to be reminded of: we don’t have to understand everything, but we do need to live in today, for that is what God has given us. Thank you again.

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  22. Reblogged this on Brokenness to Beauty and commented:
    I began today preparing to write Lesson 10, the last lesson of the Bible study I’m writing for my book, Brokenness to Beauty. Lesson 10 covers the last three chapters of the book. To me this is the most powerful and important section for in it I talk about the great question of all time: why am I here? (And it’s companion question: how can I live with suffering?)
    Then this morning I read another blogger’s post that my friend emailed me. I’m glad she shared this post because the writer speaks to a couple of important matters I discuss in my book: understanding (or not) all God is doing through our suffering, and how we are to live with suffering. These issues raise huge question marks in our minds when all we can feel is our own pain. But there are answers. Please read the following blog post and think about Katy’s conclusions. And pray for me as I write Lesson 10: our reason for living, especially when we are suffering.

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  23. Beautifully put, Katy. Diane reflected on our new brokenness recently as I struggled. Out of seemingly nowhere she said to me, “Embrace humility, and the strength that comes with it.” Perhaps another expression of living Life now. So looking forward to seeing you both next week! Ted On Sat, Feb 18, 2017 at 12:06 PM Journey with Katy wrote:

    > lizlind posted: “I have found great freedom lately in coming to the > awareness that I do not have to understand God to know Him. In fact, > knowing Him helps bring understanding, but understanding is not essential > to knowing and living in relationship with Him. If I had wait” >

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  24. Katy, I am amazed at the powerful insight our Lord is giving you. I thank you for sharing. None of us yet know what the future on this earth holds for us. In Jesus, we can do this life!

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  25. This was awesome! And I needed it too as I’m on the road to recovery with my second back surgery. It has been a journey and continues to be. I didn’t know that ‘healing’ could be so ‘tiring!’ Maybe you have found it out as well! You are right, where we are NOW is the NEW ME! We can’t go back! We are different! Thanks so much for your ‘open’ heart. Love you both! Frank and Sharon Martin

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