Written by: Stan Key
Today (Wednesday, February 24), I just feel blessed…. and I’m wondering why. Katy is still stuck in a rehab facility with no date of discharge yet on the calendar. She can’t walk or move her left arm and still struggles with nausea and pain. We face another surgery on Monday when the skull bone that was removed ten weeks ago will be replaced. The future is filled with unknowns and many decisions related to my ministry remain in limbo. And yet, in spite of all this, today I just feel blessed, truly blessed.
My God, my God, why?
Typically, when this question is asked, it relates to the existential suffering of someone who is pondering the imponderable question of why bad things happen to good people. For me, at least today, my question is different, but just as deep… maybe deeper. Why do good things happen to rascals like me?
To be honest, there have been numerous occasions during the past ten weeks when I have looked up to a seemingly silent heaven and groaned, “My God, my God, why did this happen? Why is my wife paralyzed? Why does this insanity drag on day after day after day? Why are you not answering our prayers? Why have you abandoned us? Why? Why? Why?” I confess there were two occasions, when I left Katy’s room late at night to drive home; I got in my car, shut the door, and literally screamed as loud as I could. “Why?”
But today the question that mystifies me and has me completely stumped is very different. I’m utterly baffled by the incomprehensible goodness of God lavished upon someone like me. My God, my God, why have you blessed me so much? Thinking back over my day, I’m trying to figure out what caused this question to arise in the first place:
- Maybe it was during my morning devotions when God spoke to my heart from his Word: “Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished.” (I Chron. 28:20).
- Maybe it was the phone-text from Anna, doing the early shift with Katy, stating simply: “Mom is doing well today.”
- Maybe it was the joy I felt this morning over three adult daughters who love the Lord with all their hearts and are walking in truth.
- Maybe it was the email we received from a dear friend in New York who shared tender words of love and comfort that touched us deeply.
- Maybe it was watching the nurses and therapists who take care of Katy. Oh how they love her and tenderly talk to her, encourage her, change her bed, prepare her meds, and gently prop Wilson up on pillows.
- Maybe it was the visitors who came today who showed such grace and sensitivity and then honored us by sharing some of their burdens with us. Katy’s load is lightened when she can take on the burden of someone else!
- Maybe it was paying the bills that came in the mail today and realizing that we had more than enough. Like the jar of oil that never ran dry (I Kings 17:8-16), God is faithfully and miraculously providing for our needs.
- Maybe it was the fact that last night I was able to lead the Bible study group at FAS. An email this morning indicated it “struck home” for one of the attenders.
- Maybe it was the joy that comes in finishing my work on another issue of The High Calling magazine and feeling God’s pleasure in what was done.
My God, my God, why have you been so good to me? No, I still don’t understand suffering and pain. But when I think clearly, the mystery of God’s grace and goodness is the most baffling question of all!